Posts Tagged ‘dancing’

Safety Dance

Sapphire posted a while ago about creepy dancer boys at bars, and generally I have to agree with her. However, sometimes I want to dance with a guy, and appreciate a little initiative, especially since I’m not one to do the initiating. With that said, No still means No. So maybe you could say I’m usually a selective dancer when it comes to my partners, and I’ve come to learn that I prefer men I don’t know.

The original "Dirty Dancers."

Maybe this is my lack of confidence in my dancing skills, but I really think it’s my awareness that the way people dance today is very intimate. Yes, you read that right. I’d rather dance, and therefore be intimate, with a stranger. If you know the guy, let’s say went to the bar together, he could expect things to continue when you get home. And maybe I would want things to continue, but maybe I wouldn’t.

I can’t say I’ve ever thought about my preference for strangers before, but last Friday I had a date with a guy I kind of already know. We’d hung out together in groups but had very little one-on-one interaction. The date on Friday went well. We had a nice dinner, got to know each other a bit more, and then moved on to another bar. After the big hockey game ended, the band set up and as soon as they started playing I knew I wanted to dance. Yet, when my date saw me moving and asked if I wanted to dance, I said no.

I believe there are a couple of reasons for this:

  1. I had not had enough alcohol to make me immune to embarrassment.  I knew I’d be uncomfortable because I’m always very conscious of my lack of rhythm and then I think too much about my lack of skills and less about “being in the moment.” Usually, when dancing with a guy I’m not embarrassed (although keenly aware of my inability) because I know we’ll never see each other again and he can laugh all he wants to his friends about the girl who can’t dance. I don’t care.
  2. Like I said earlier, he might have then expected a continuation of the date in someone’s home. Given that it was our first date, that wasn’t going to happen.
  3. He’s always seen my “bad girl” side. One of our mutual friends has this way of bringing out the partier in me, and I’m a little afraid that’s what he expects.

I ended cutting the date a bit short since the bar was boring if you weren’t dancing and we went our separate ways.

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. I wish I could do that!

But now I’m put in the same situation again. He asked if I wanted to do something this weekend, and I said sure and then asked what he had in mind. He suggested going to some of my favorite bars, which is nice that he remembers which ones I mentioned, yet I like these bars because I can dance. Do I get over my fears and go dancing this weekend? Or do I suggest another activity? Am I being totally uptight and irrational? Is it weird that I think of dancing as a girlfriends activity, unless of course, you’re ballroom dancing or swing dancing?

Granted, there could be underlying concerns about the “relationship” (#3) that are clouding my thought process.

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