Sapphire posted a while ago about creepy dancer boys at bars, and generally I have to agree with her. However, sometimes I want to dance with a guy, and appreciate a little initiative, especially since I’m not one to do the initiating. With that said, No still means No. So maybe you could say I’m usually a selective dancer when it comes to my partners, and I’ve come to learn that I prefer men I don’t know.
Maybe this is my lack of confidence in my dancing skills, but I really think it’s my awareness that the way people dance today is very intimate. Yes, you read that right. I’d rather dance, and therefore be intimate, with a stranger. If you know the guy, let’s say went to the bar together, he could expect things to continue when you get home. And maybe I would want things to continue, but maybe I wouldn’t.
I can’t say I’ve ever thought about my preference for strangers before, but last Friday I had a date with a guy I kind of already know. We’d hung out together in groups but had very little one-on-one interaction. The date on Friday went well. We had a nice dinner, got to know each other a bit more, and then moved on to another bar. After the big hockey game ended, the band set up and as soon as they started playing I knew I wanted to dance. Yet, when my date saw me moving and asked if I wanted to dance, I said no.
I believe there are a couple of reasons for this:
- I had not had enough alcohol to make me immune to embarrassment. I knew I’d be uncomfortable because I’m always very conscious of my lack of rhythm and then I think too much about my lack of skills and less about “being in the moment.” Usually, when dancing with a guy I’m not embarrassed (although keenly aware of my inability) because I know we’ll never see each other again and he can laugh all he wants to his friends about the girl who can’t dance. I don’t care.
- Like I said earlier, he might have then expected a continuation of the date in someone’s home. Given that it was our first date, that wasn’t going to happen.
- He’s always seen my “bad girl” side. One of our mutual friends has this way of bringing out the partier in me, and I’m a little afraid that’s what he expects.
I ended cutting the date a bit short since the bar was boring if you weren’t dancing and we went our separate ways.
But now I’m put in the same situation again. He asked if I wanted to do something this weekend, and I said sure and then asked what he had in mind. He suggested going to some of my favorite bars, which is nice that he remembers which ones I mentioned, yet I like these bars because I can dance. Do I get over my fears and go dancing this weekend? Or do I suggest another activity? Am I being totally uptight and irrational? Is it weird that I think of dancing as a girlfriends activity, unless of course, you’re ballroom dancing or swing dancing?
Granted, there could be underlying concerns about the “relationship” (#3) that are clouding my thought process.