I recently dove back into the dating world. And by diving in, I mean reactivating my OKCupid account. I messaged two guys, maybe three, but for the most part, I wasn’t interested enough to put in a lot of effort. I figured, if it works, it works. If not, oh well. No big loss. I got a handful of interesting messages, and if the guy actually put some effort in and read my profile, I usually responded.
However, there are so many guys (and I use so many loosely here, because I think I’ve only received 10 messages) who feel “hey, you’re cute, I’d love to take you out some time” is a valid introductory message. What self-respecting girl agrees to that? I feel the same way about guys in bars using lines. So, a guy has never used a line on me, but I see it in movies and on TV all the time. Lines always felt insincere to me. Sure, I could give guys some slack, and assume they use lines because it takes pressure off themselves, or some other nonsense, but I can’t. Because, honestly, isn’t being yourself easier?
I wish we lived in a time where conversation, or at least flirtation, was an art. Granted, I’d have to learn that art as well, but it’d be better than this! For demonstration purposes, I copied and pasted some the “best of the worst” messages I received in the past few weeks. I wish now that I hadn’t deleted so many, because there were some doozies.
(this is a followup to his first message which I deleted and never responded to) “Hey! =) So, I guess you probably feel uncomfortable e-mailing for my photo, so I put it online (I took out the url in case it’s a naked pic or a virus) I have more I can send if you’re interested. Maybe you’ll let me take you out sometime? :)” Who sends a stranger their email address? And what makes you think I want to go to your sketchy website? Maybe if it was Flickr…but still, why be on an Internet dating site if “you’re shy about putting yourself out there”? I suppose he could have a legitimate fear of rejection in a world based solely on looks (major scars, one eye etc) but I doubt it.
My next favorite comes from a guy who messaged me and I’m fairly certain I ignored. Either way, I got a message from him the other day asking “are you still there?” Yes, I am still here and I am glad I ignored you, because clearly you are needy and a bit possessive.
The last message I will share with you actually made me laugh out loud. Again, I deleted it, but it had something to do with me being a nice Christian girl, strong in her faith. Sure, I filled in the religion part of the profile (Catholic, but not too serious about it), but where does he get “strong in my faith” from that? Out of curiosity I looked at the questions we both answered. Where he put, “absolutely not” to things like abortion, gay marriage, teaching evolution and sex before marriage (and these being very important to him) I answered opposite (also as being very important to me).**
I know I’m not painting a very pretty picture of the online dating world, and honestly, it’s not my favorite. However, it is surprisingly similar to meeting guys at bars, also not my favorite. Personally, I prefer getting to know the guy through friends, work, clubs, whatever, but since I don’t have those options available to me, I’ll take what I can!
Besides, online dating can work. A woman I work with is in a long-term, serious relationship with a guy she met online. I also have a promising date tonight with a guy I technically met online. When I discovered that he runs with a group I already planned on joining, we used it as an opportunity to meet in person. Meeting like that, surrounded by lots of other people, in a totally non-threatning (non-date) place, was really nice. It really took the pressure off, and he couldn’t pull any shenanigans* and if I didn’t like him I could leave, no hurt feelings. Okay, feelings could get hurt, but it’s not like leaving in the middle of a coffee date.
I will keep all y’all posted on the date. But for now, I’ve got to get ready! I feel a bit like Bridget Jones…
* I met up with a guy in Boston that I met on OkCupid and half way through the date he reached over and started holding my hand. Awkward!
* In order for the OK Cupid algorithms and what not to work you have to answer so many questions–the more questions you answer, the better your possible matches. An example of a question is as follows:
“Is Love Overrated”
-Yes, a bit
-No, it’s fine
-No, it’s underrated
Answers I’ll Accept
-Yes, a bit
-No, it’s fine
-No, it’s underrated
This Question is:
-A little important
If you click all the bubbles in the “I’ll accept” portion, the website automatically categorizes it as irrelevant.