I tweeted this yesterday morning–“my best friend is engaged! so happy for her! (actually happy, not freaked out and kind of happy)”.
As soon as I posted this tweet, I started thinking, is she really my best friend? I met L when we studied abroad in England. We studied abroad through the same University (neither one of us attended said University) and were put up in a hotel near Kensington Garden for that first night. A representative from the University took us (and two others who we never really saw again) to dinner and went over boring administrative stuff along the lines of “all your grades will go to the university in PA and then you have to transfer them to your home university; don’t go into places where you feel uncomfortable (insert scary story here), blah blah blah.” After a long day of traveling and boring administrative stuff, not to mention a major time difference, L and I were exhausted and looked forward to a good night’s sleep. Imagine our surprise when we get to our room and find that, yes, it does contain two twin beds, but they are pushed together to form one big bed. Well, nice to meet you (practical) stranger, I guess we’re sleeping together…
We burrowed into bed, fell fast asleep and the next morning we boarded a train for Lancaster, England. We were pretty much inseparable during our entire semester in England, and we talk at least once a month now, often times more. But, is she my best friend? Do I have a best friend?
I’m actually not sure I’ve ever had a best friend: “A bosom friend–an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul” (Anne of Green Gables ch. VIII). All through elementary school my best friends were triplets. I never had a favorite, it depended on the day, month or year. I had a best college friend, but is she my best, best friend? Right now I count five girlfriends who are really, really close and important to me, but it seems against the rules to say I have five bosom friends. In Boston, I still have one of the aforementioned five, and several second tier friends and acquaintances, so I’m not lacking for social interaction and friendship.
But does it matter? Do you need a best friend? I’ve gotten through life just fine without a best friend. Will I someday find that person who will play that role in my life? Who will be the obvious choice for Maid of Honor at my wedding? Will my future husband be my best friend? Is that even healthy? I often wonder about people who say that. On the one hand, it seems like a great thing, to be married to your best friend, but on the other, don’t you need that kind of support and love and encouragement for growth outside of marriage? Don’t you need other relationships? But, who knows, I am certainly no expert!
I know this isn’t really boys, books or bygone times related, but I had to get it out there. What do you think? Do you have a best friend? Do you need a best friend? What do you think of significant others being your best friend?
Ben and I are best friends. Over ten years ago, when we met, we started out as friends, then really good friends, then really really good friends with all sorts of deliciously sinful benefits. I have a couple of people who I am superclose to in terms of friendship, we don’t ever hide or simplify things from each other, and I have a slightly larger group of really good friends who I know will always have my back as I will theirs; but do I have a BFF that isn’t Ben? No. Do I wish I did? Not really; but there are the occasional moments that I wish I had girlfriends (of my 2) that lived closer to me–as much as I love my [male] friends, none of them want to see Burlesque with me.
-K
I’ve had anywhere between 1 and four “best friends” throughout my life. It seems the real test is the test of time. Those friends that you remain close to and still talk and share things with. However, this isn’t to say that those who I once considered best friends that I’m no longer close to are less significant in my life. It just means we’ve changed and (hopefully) grown as people, maybe moved, what-have-you.
Oddly, though I’ve had many women (and a couple of guys) I called my “best friend,” there are only five of them that would fall under the definition of bosom-friends given by Anne.
I don’t think I’ve every really had a best friend and I know I’ve never been best friend. I’ve had really really good friends, who I share more with than others and who I hope I’ll still at least e-mail now and then ten years from now. I’ve always been jealous of people who say they have best friends that they’ve had since childhood or that they consider a sister, but maybe it could be an only-child thing, mixing up the longing for a sibling for the longing for a best friend. But, I am also really close with my mother, so I don’t feel the need to have someone else to confide in. Who knows?
My true test though of how close I am with a friend is if I think I would feel comfortable sitting with this person in silence. If the silence is companionable and not awkward, then the person is a close friend.