I was just accused of being “too picky” when it comes to the men I date. And, yes, I have given some poor excuses for ending a relationship. A list follows:
- He gave really bad gifts.
- His sex drive didn’t match mine.
- He lived in a different state.
- He talked too much.
- He talked about one specific, boring topic too much.
- He was too feminine.
- He didn’t like my dog.
- He was too touchy-feely.
- He didn’t touch or try to touch me at all.
- He was too religious.
- He was only dating me because of my height.
- He was in love with his roommate. (Yes, his roommate was a girl.)
- He was too pessimistic.
- He was the worst kisser I have ever encountered.
- He was too dumb.
- He didn’t eat eggs.
- He was boring.
See? Pretty sorry excuses. But that’s all they were, excuses. I have more logical reasons to break up with a guy besides the not-so-justifications on the list. However, the real honest-to-goodness truth is that there was some ineffable quality about the man that simply didn’t work well with me and my personality. Although good luck explaining that to some people.
The truth is, I’ve only been with one man in my life that I could see myself having a future with. Maybe two more that might have had a chance, but those two were practically over before they began (due to unfortunate circumstances that I can only assume is the Fates effing with me.) The “one man” was…..so complicated that I won’t get into here. Suffice to say that I thought we had a future together until I realized how controlling, inconsiderate and selfish he was. (In the words from a favorite movie “not a nice guy, actually.”)
I am upset by being blamed for being “too picky” about men. I don’t have some magical list in my head and a man has to meet every single point for me to consider dating him. In fact, my rule for firsts dates (with very few exceptions) is that if a guy asks me out, I’ll go out with him. Or I’ll ask him out. After that it gets a little more muddled. After that it’s more about how I feel when I’m with him. Does the conversation flow well? Does he have a good sense of humor? Do I like being around him? Is he considerate? (See? This is me learning from past mistakes.) Do I smile when I think about him? Etc.
It is difficult if not impossible to articulate why I liked those particular three men so much. I could list some reasons, but they would seem about as ludicrous as the reasons I listed for breaking up with other men.
I don’t think I’m wrong to want that inexpressible feeling. I know it might take a while to find again, if I ever do. But I’m alright with that. I just wish those around me would be equally alright with keeping their mouths shut while I lived my life, and loved on my terms.