This morning I was listening to the radio in the shower, when one of the most frustrating songs came on. Yes, folks, I’m strangely angered and irritated by Enrique Iglesias’s “Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You).” Something about this song really chafes my nerves and reminds me of all those men out there who just can’t take no for an answer.
While the song has a good dance beat and I’ve always enjoyed Enrique’s music over the years, this one just doesn’t do it for me. Read the lyrics here if you don’t know them already.
Rewind four or five years ago to my college clubbing days and imagine THOSE kind of guys. You know the ones. They oil their way around the dance floor, checking out all of the girls, and make their move when they find you alone. No “hey want to dance?” or even a tap on the shoulder. It’s a sneak attack, and suddenly they’re just there. I understand that this is just the way the world is now and that is the clubbing culture, so I’ve danced a time or two with men I haven’t even been able to see coming to be a good sport and because dancing is just fun once in a while. You give your friend a look across the floor for an assessment of your partner and maybe if he’s unacceptable, she’ll help rescue you from the partnership and migrate with you to a different location on the floor. But there is always a guy in the crowd that won’t take no for an answer. I’ve had men follow either myself or a friend around a crowded dance floor all night and attempt to grab me for a dance after repeatedly being shooed away more than a couple times. Yes, at first thought it is flattering to be chased after like that, but on second thought it is sort of creepy, and after an hour of rotating around a club just to get away from someone, it starts to ruin the outing. Sometimes no really does just mean no; we women don’t always play hard to get.
Then of course there are the clingers. These are the men who have decided that just because you dance with them or talk to them at a party, you are going home with them. Case one: bachelorette party. On the last night of freedom for one of my friends we met up with a “bachelor” party in a bar and started a men versus women billiard match. It was fun and I had a conversation with the “groom” (we are still not sure if they were pretending just to get into our pants). I was nice to the guy, but when he started to follow me around I got a little upset, being that he was supposedly getting married. It killed me when I told my friend that I was ready to go home and he said “oh yeah, ok, wanna go?” Oh yes sir, I had a conversation with you over a pool table and that means I want to sleep with you? Especially when I know you are engaged and I will be your last fling before tying the knot. Sign me up!
Case two: alcohol, the social lubricant and judgement impairer. At a friend’s party, I spoke with and danced with a guy a bit until the end of the night when I said I had to go. I left with my friends, had said goodbye, and didn’t leave any opening for him to follow me out. Two flights down the stairs, I find myself waiting for my friend’s now husband to retrieve my lost jacket, and who follows him out a minute later, but my new (drunk) friend. Much evading ensued and eventually we made it off without him, but again, just because I spent an hour with a guy, he decided he was going home with me.
Which brings me back to Mr. Iglesias. This song of his is a composite of all the men who just can’t take a hint. Yes we may be dancing well and you may be turned on, but that doesn’t mean I want to buy what you’re selling. Women like to dance, we like to converse, we like to feel appreciated by the opposite sex when we go out, but it doesn’t mean that if we flirt with you, we want to sleep with you. They say women read too much into things men say and do? Sometimes flirting and a little grind is just that, a passing bit of fun on a night out.
Mr. Iglesias, I know your motivation and your reputation. You say tonight your lovin’ me. How presumptuous! Oh no you’re not.
What’s your worst experience with misunderstood flirtation or stage 5 clingers?